Great White Kayak Tip
Only 5 kayakers have been attacked along the pacific coast, click here to see where you can find that kinda action
SHARK RESEARCH
The Monkey King
Monkeys Elect Primate Bob as their leader. Primate bob ran a simple but effective campaign highlighting no curfews, and offering Nachu as a safe haven for all mischievous monkeys in the region. Monkey kings normally serve for life, in the end of which elections are held and the monkey king is killed.
The monkeys of Nachu embroiled in a battle with the humans since the late 1970's have finally taken the town under their monkey control. The BBC had stopped running coverage of the monkey madness after the U.N. gave control of Africa to the U.S. Before an agreement was reached, Bush tried to quell rumors of planned ramp up of US involvement in Africa. Although many people believe that increased US involvement in Africa is directly related to the vast natural resources Africa has to offer, in which the Chinese have already leveraged, more than any other country in the world. It is quiet obvious that the war on terror not only waged against terrorists that have not attacked us, US citizens that have not committed a crime, little old ladies trying to board a plane, children that dare be in an area that is occupied by suspected Taliban and Al-Qaeda, and now against monkeys that terrorizes towns and eventually overrun them. The animal revolution will soon meet its equal... the US military complex.
Grizzly bear
A 34 yr old Boise resident hiking alone in west Yellowstone was attacked by a grizzly bear protecting its cub on June 9th, 2009. Although this story is of the familiar grizzly bear attack on man, unrelated directly to the animal revolution, it shows how dangerously close to nature/death we are. Disney and children's books create a make-believe world in which man coincides with nature. In tune with Mother Nature, fate waits patiently for man to change its destructive ways. But in the end, Mother Nature will unleash its wrath upon man. Overpopulation and disrespect for its home will be the conclave of mans existence. Beware of the animal revolution, we must change our ways before its too late.
Squirrel
May 30th, 2009 Radical Squirrel caught stealing flags at a Port Huron, Mi. Cemetery. Local law enforcement left no comment to Mochronicle inquiries. These squirrely actions are one of many signs that animals are continually testing and pushing their boundaries. Once man was a guest in the animal's world, now animals are guests in our cities. Now the animals are slowly taking back lost ground. These seemingly small misdemeanors start with a few stolen American flags, and then may evolve into the theft of garden gnomes, car keys... And the next thing you know the animals are driving around in our cars, running our missile silos, and raising havoc and turmoil in our society. It is only a matter of time.
PIG FLU, PIG FLU, PIG FLU !!
Grab your children and head to the mountains, the pigs are coming, the pigs are coming. They have found their way out of their pens, and they are flying over international and state borders. They are coming for you !
In this latest breaking story from the Animal Revolution, animals are using their greatest weapon against the humans. For Millennia Disease had been a weapon for humans against each other. And now the animals turn. The animals have been busy in their labs working double time preparing for retaliation as the humans step up their destructive behavior - destroying natural habitat and litterally wiping species off the planet. The animals have had many failed efforts in recent years with bird flu, mesquitoes attacks, and the occasional one bat, two bat at the zoos. But now their science only improves as the humans lay waste to their planet. This latest (Pig Assault) is only a taste of what could come. Many parents are already re-hashing the old ring around the rosy with "ring around the bacon, ring around the bacon, we bake it, we eat it, and we all fall down..." preparing them for troubled times ahead.
The W.H.O. and N.S.A. have already raided country western singer Ray Stevens' compound. Led by tips from Monsanto, Ray Stevens has long been a friendly to the pigs since his release of famed song "kiss A Pig- hug a swine, some of them are good friends of mine.
Polar Bear Berlin, Germany (Mochronicle)
A woman jumped into a polar bear moat, survives. 4-10-09. One of the polar bears then bit the woman several times before she was hoisted out by rescuers. Zoo officials claim that the lady jumped in by her own will during feeding time. The Mochronicle has several questions about this incident. First of all, did she "jump" in as purported or was she pushed in by zoo keepers. Or did she jump into the moat because she was crazed or depressed, or could the polar bears have been giving her signals to come down and join them. It is highly unlikely that the bears were able to communicate to the woman for her to jump in merely by using crude polar bear hand signals or mental telepathy. However this could be evidence that the polar bears have conspired with their zoo keepers. Yes, the zoo keepers may now be working hand in hand with the animals! This incident may merely be a test of the system. It is unlikely that the zoo keepers would be able to throw over enough zoo goers to make a large difference but when the animals decide to make their move in taking over the world, they may already have inside help in which case they could simply free all the captive animals when the time comes.